Cow Tse Tongue's
"Remarkably Intelligent for a Human" Awards



In the Animal Kingdom everyone is good at something. This is how eachspecies survives. The Grizzly Bear is very strong. The Leopard is very fast. The Porcupine has excellent protection.

The Human, my friends, let me be frank, is rather lacking. A strangelooking creature with bits of hair stuck in odd places, Humans are a ganglyprimate whose appearance is much like that of a large plucked chimpanzee. They rarely climb trees, aren't very fast, aren't strong, aren't smart, smell bad, and have poor taste in fashion.

How does this weak chattering creature survive, you ask? Not only survivebut dominate the entire Earth?! (save cockroaches, pigeons, and rats) Why do the rest of us put up with it, I ask?

Entertainment value. These neurotic beasts are absolutely fabulous atparties! They eat, they drink, they carry on. And their mating rituals! Talk about an inexpensive never ending soap opera. At least our Bulls fightit out and get on with it.

But I digress. Once in a very rare while, a Human rises above their naturalstate and does something intelligent. Yes, yes, I know there are a lot ofnay sayers out there who say this is impossible, but in my wide travels, I have heard of instances of intelligence amongst the loud ones. I'm surethat these rare & outstanding specimens return to their previous riotousbehavior, but let us give credit where credit is due.

It is with great pleasure that I present to you, the Cow Tse Tongue "RemarkablyIntelligent for a Human" awards.

Awards Presented to:

February 1, 1997: Our Search Committee has been unable to locate any qualified finalists. We'll keep searching.

March 4, 1997 Update: After employing three additional Search Committees and completing a search of the internet, we have still not found any suitablefinalists.

March 17, 1997 Update: In a thorough investigation of the Human world's heads of state, there were no finalists.

April 1, 1997 Update: Possible intelligent Human life form found in California.Conducting background search on Dr.Demento.

May 11, 1997 Update: A plethora of intelligent Human sightings have beenflowing in from down under. The committee continues to investigate.

If you have any comments or suggestions please email my webmasterAaron at:

Copyright 1997 by Dana Lyons


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